Let's Talk Health
                                                                                                                                                                                                         

HUMOR

THE OTHER DAY I WENT TO HOME DEPOT AND BOUGHT A SUNDIAL KIT.  IN MY BACKYARD I BEGAN PUTTING IT TOGETHER. I WAS ALMOST DONE WHEN MY NEIGHBORS WIFE HAPPENED TO SEE ME. IMMEDIATELY HER CURIOSITY GOT THE BETTER OF HER AND SHE ASKED "SO, FRANK...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
I SAID I'M PUTTING TOGETHER A SUNDIAL"  REALLY' SHE REMARKED "AND WHAT IS THAT?"
"WELL, YOU SEE WHEN THE SUN SHINES ONTO IT THIS LITTLE THING IT CASTS A SHADOW ONTO THOSE NUMBERS AND IT GIVES YOU THE TIME"
"WOW" SHE SAID "WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT"

I WENT ON A DIET, SWORE OFF HEAVY DRINKING AND OVER EATING AND IN FOURTEEN DAYS I LOST EXACTLY TWO WEEKS!

A MAN GOES TO AN EYE DOCTOR. THE RECEPTIONIST ASKS HIM HIS PROBLEM AND HE SAYS "I KEEP SEEING SPOTS IN FRONT OF MY EYES"
HAVE YOU SEEN A DOCTOR BEFORE?"
"NO" HE SAID..."JUST SPOTS"

A RETIRED NAVY MAN IS GETTING TIRED OF SITTING AT HOME ALONE AFTER HIS WIFE HAD PASSED AWAY AND HE WANTS TO BE AROUND PEOPLE SO HE GOES TO WAL MART AND APPLIES FOR A JOB. HE EASILY GETS HIRED. AFTER WORKING FOR SEVERAL MONTHS AS A DOOR GREETER HE GETS CALLED INTO THE OFFICE OF THE MANAGER. "JIM," THE MANAGER SAYS "WE REALLY LIKE YOU, YOU ARE GOOD WITH THE CUSTOMERS YOU ALWAYS DRESS NEATLY, BUT YOU SEEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM COMING IN LATE A LOT.  NOW, I NOTICE FROM YOUR APPLICATION THAT YOU WERE IN THE NAVY. DID YOU HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM THERE?"  "WELL YES I DID"  WHAT DID THEY SAY TO YOU WHEN YOU CAME IN LATE"
"THEY WOULD SAY..GOOD MORNING ADMIRAL WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE?"

I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia."What's that?" she asked.
It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that."
As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?"

Obama was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.
Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.


When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."

I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"


When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember.

"You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough."
"No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly.
Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband.

 "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth."

 

 


A man is being prepared for an EKG by a newly graduated nurse.
The man says "I should tell you that I have dextracardia"

"What's that?" she asked.

It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that."

As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?"

 

 

A prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.

He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.

Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.

 

After a family visit, my sister and her son drove me to the airport for my flight home. They waited as I checked in at the counter, and then I walked back to them and told them, "I have to wait another three hours."

"How come?" my nephew asked.

"My plane has been grounded."

Grounded? I didn't know planes had parents."

 

Lucy teaches many aerobic classes. She told a lady who was looking to sign up for the class to just wear loose fitting clothing to the class.

"Honey," the lady replied, "if I had any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't be signing up for an exercise class."

 

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."

I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"

 

he Origin of Chapstick

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

"Howdy, stranger..."

"Howdy, Sheriff..."

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.

"Hold on, Mister..."

"Sheriff?"

"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"

"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."

"And that cures them?" "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em!

 

 

 


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